It’s not a good idea to hurt someone especially in the case of a breakup. So here are 15 ways you can use to let a woman down gently…
1. Say Goodbye to Your Guilt
Whether you admit it or not, you’re probably consumed by an all-powerful guilt at the prospect of doing the dirty deed with a good woman. Why did you promise her that couple’s vacation and why did you agree to meet her parents so that she actually thought this was it? Though all of this is completely natural, here’s the thing–it’s not something for you to feel down. Human emotions are fleeting at best and if you’re not happy anymore, then you can’t be blamed any more than she can!
In fact, if you haven’t been content, there’s a high likelihood that she isn’t either and has just chosen to stick around for other reasons. In many ways, what you’re about to do is very necessary and if you do it the right way, you’re actually helping both of yourselves out tremendously. Now that you’ve read it, believe it, and let go of all that guilt.
2. Be a Man
If you were even considering dropping this bomb via e-mail, a phone call or some other cowardly, tail-between-your-legs manner, you need a hard slap. You’d only be proving the innate lowliness of men that woman have always been convinced of. Not to mention using a strategy that’s played a notorious hand in earning men their title as the worse of the two sexes.
3. Small Signs
Small signs are directly connected with gently. Whatever you do, don’t let this breakup come as a complete shock, remember you’ve to let her down but gently. There’s no need to be mean about it but small things like touching her less, making a little less time, allowing the distance to show and spending more time at work will begin to give her a subtle idea. But make sure you don’t let this period drag out because it’s a cruel necessity. A week or two tops is all we’ll give you.
4. Pick a Place
A preferred strategy would be a kind, clean and honest confrontation in the right location. The spot you choose should be in a neutral environment, quiet and well-lit, and most importantly, alcohol-free. Alcohol has been known to cause several broken bones, public lashings and humiliating circumstances for all parties involved in breakup situations. So there you have it, privacy, neutrality and unreachable liquor. Now you are all set to drop down the bomb!
5. DO NOT… GIVE A POOR EXCUSE
INSTEAD… GIVE A SOLID REASON
We’ve heard them all gentlemen, from “you deserve better”, “you’re too good for me” and “let’s just be friends” to “I don’t have time for a relationship as I need to focus on work” and “I’m scared of commitment”. Unless you’re dating a 16yo woman/girl who’s watched too many Nicholas Sparks movies then trust us on this one – she will not believe you – she is not a moron. Instead, be a man and give a real reason that you didn’t steal straight out of Hollywood.
6. Don’t Flatter Incessantly
There’s no need to tell her that ‘it wasn’t her, it was you’ or that she was the perfect human being in the world. She’ll only think there;s still a chance. Having said that, don’t act like it’s a favor to her either, there’s nothing more annoying. If you’re looking to do someone favors, go clean out her apartment’s bathroom or something.
7. Plan, Plan, Plan
Sure we encourage directness and honesty, but too much honesty isn’t always a good thing as that time you decided to tell your boss exactly what you thought of him probably taught you. It often ends with either too much flattery or too much cruelty and really, both of these must be avoided at all cost because it is always misread by the fairer sex. And the last thing you want is for her not to accept what you’re saying.
So go ahead and plan the right breakup speech before you actually give it because it will ensure the smoothest flow of this tough talk. But do make sure it doesn’t sound too rehearsed because that will only come across as insincere.
8. Abridge the Doling Out of Pain
We’re not sure why but several people feel that it is necessary to break up with multiple long conversations, phone calls and too many pages of heartfelt letters and emails. Don’t draw it out! No one wants to hear an epic summary of why they weren’t good enough, or what went wrong in the relationship they put so much into.
Think of it like ripping out a band-aid. The faster you do it, the quicker the pain will disappear but if you rip it out one millimeter at a time, you’re in for a never-ending journey. One filled with heartbreak and pain too.
9. DO NOT… SKIRT AROUND THE POINT
INSTEAD… MAKE THE BREAK
Cancelling last minute dates, suddenly becoming busy, working late nights, increased family occasions on weekends – we’ve heard them all and most will admit to having said them all too. It seems like an easy way out, slowly becoming less available until she finally gets the hint and stops trying to re-arrange that dinner date you’ve been cancelling for the last 3 weeks. But, news flash gents, women want what they can’t have – so you, becoming more distant, might actually have the opposite of your desired effect. So, to avoid any stalker like out-comes I suggest you man up and let her know that it’s over – you’ll be saving you both a lot of time and energy to come.
10. Don’t Be Cruel Don’t Blame Anyone
Even if it’s gotten to the point where watching her chew on her food makes you want to hurl, there’s no need for cruelty ever. Leave things on a positive note and let the time pass gently.
11. DO NOT… GO M.I.A.
INSTEAD… MAN UP AND TELL HER IT’S OVER
This is probably the worst of all the ways to end a relationship – yes it may only have been 3 months in and not official, but missing a Friday date and then never picking up the phone or replying to text ever (yes, EVER) again is about as cowardly and disrespectful as it gets. In fact, most woman would rather hear a lame excuse ‘a la’ point 2 than have a man go M.I.A. on her. Not knowing why something ended (or indeed wondering if your date has died) is far worse than having to hear the reasons why. So be a man, not a boy and make the break in the most gentlemanly way possible.
12. Be Prepared and Be Strong
Being calm and strong is the key to letting your woman down, gently. Finally, since the deed is finally strong, understand that the immediate after-effects are the hardest part. Prepare yourself for a long, arduous journey and hold your ground at all costs. Allow your partner to be angry and hurt and have faith that they will get over it because they will. Also, most importantly, keep all lines of communication open, at all times post the breakup. She may need more explanations and you owe it to her to give them to her. Whatever happens though, don’t cozy up to her for even a single night after. When it’s over, it needs to really be over and there shouldn’t be any room for doubt.
That’s everything you need to let her down, gently.