Our whole lives, we keep searching for “the perfect partner”—you can see that it’s a lot of weight we put on one person and the ways in which they are going to affect our lives. But, while on our quest to find this person, we put so much effort and focus on deciding whether or not they are the right partner, that we forget what to do once we’ve checked off the list of things that qualify them as one. What happens after you’ve decided that this is the right partner for me—even if it’s just for the moment? Word of advice: When you find the right partner, do all that is in your power—and maybe go a little out of your way, even—to make them stay, and be the right partner in turn, for them.
1. ‘‘If you really loved me, you’d do it.’’
This is emotional blackmail. It may not be on purpose, but subconsciously you’re trying to manipulate and pressurize your partner into doing what you think is right because you either a) want to get your own way or b) believe you know best. Saying this will create an imbalance and a power struggle in your relationship, which will lead to anger and frustration on one or both sides.
Say this instead: “I’m really interested to understand why you don’t want to do this?” or ‘’Tell me your thoughts on why you don’t want to do it?”
2. Meet Their Expectations
We’ve tailored our brains into not expecting and in turn, not being held responsible; especially when it comes to another person. No wonder today we have concepts like “open relationships” and “live-ins” instead of one simple monogamous relationship, or marriage. We don’t know what’s real anymore because we don’t know how to expect and, in turn, meet someone else’s expectations. But, when you find your right partner, you want to be there for them; you want to be responsible and you want to prioritize them. And whether they tell you or not, they want the same things. So, put aside your egos and apprehensions and just give them your heart and soul in expecting and meeting expectations with this person. Expectations are good.
3. Never Stop Appreciating Them
When you meet someone who fills you up in all the good ways, remember to appreciate them; whether it’s in conversations you have about them with others, or if it’s a conversation between the two of you. Never stop telling someone what you like about them. Why? For the simple reason that this person needs to know the way that they affect you.
4. Fight For It
Never stop fighting for them and what you have. You believed in it in the beginning. So remember that and stick to that. Remember the way this person made you feel even if it was the tiniest amount of good for the least amount of time. If it was enough to draw you to them and them to you, it is enough to get you through the roughest of patches. Sometimes, a person; a connection is deeper and larger than the worst mistakes you make. If, at the end of the road, you still see yourself with this person; even if that’s as bleak a possibility as any and you just so much as desire it, then, fight for it till your last breath.
5. Pay Attention To Them
You are here. They are here. All of the time has come to exist in this one moment which can be infinite. Understand this. And be present. Pay more attention this person—what they’re saying, where they are. Maybe pick up the phone and tell them you’re just thinking about them. There doesn’t always have to be a reason more concrete than that. It doesn’t matter what time in the day, or night it is. Just be there and let them know that you are.
6. Be Unconditional
Feelings come. They have no rhyme; no reason and function unconditionally. You won’t stop loving someone if they do something wrong, or make a mistake, or unintentionally hurt you. It doesn’t work that way. You love them despite it all. That’s the only point of finding yourself being with the right person at the right time. That it’s unconditional. The day you find yourself putting conditions to your feelings, know that you’re either doing it wrong, or you never got it right, to begin with. But, if it’s unconditional, then just stick to that. And then, let it unfold.
7. Don’t Get Scared
Fear can never be greater than faith. The Universe isn’t out to get you—it’s quite the contrary I assure you. So, don’t be scared because when two people who want to be together, are together, they can overcome the sum of all fears.
8. Be Sensitive To Them
9. ‘‘Don’t leave me – you make me complete.’’
Say this instead: “I’ll be very sad and upset if you leave, but I know I’ll be better off being with someone who loves me as much as I love them” or “It will be a deeply shocking for me if you walk away, but I accept that no one should be in a relationship if they’re unhappy.”
10. And Never Doubt Theirs